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Welcome to the official Orlando web site. Here we bring you all the latest gossip from Orlando's residence "Fools Paradise", located just off "the boulavard of broken dreams" or as it is known locally, Leith Walk. We hope that you return on a regular basis to enjoy all the news, reviews and pictures of the karaoke superstar legend.


For the full Orlando story, scroll to the bottom of this page and work your way up.



ORLANDO GOES JUNGLE IN THAILAND

Orlando flies in to Thailand after a bust up with that Aussie Sheila, Kylie, (48). The 24 year old "crooner" cited artistic differences and her excesive alcohol intake as a reason for the split.

After finding the pressure of his metioric rise to stardom too heavy a karaoke machine to croon to, Orlando has disappeared into the jungle and is reported living with a tribe of "Independant Buddhist Jackeys".
Rumours of an imminent collaberation with Sting are unfounded.



BOOTLEG UPDATE


After many years in the wilderness, late 80's Funk Rapsters "Cameo", have with cunning cyber shenannigans, re-released "chart topper" single, WORD UP as a bootleg bonus track on Orlando's "vocally versatile" new CD "Destination Imagination".

The audience, fans, groupies and general riff raff and ruff in Leith's top night spot, Dizzies Lounge Bar, were shocked and stunned to hear that Orlando's hysterical harmonies had been hijacked by these "Cod piece wearing Pittsbergh Pirates."

After intensive questioning, a Dumfermline man (24) confessed to be an ex-emplyee of these leather-clad fungsters and was in league with a Muirhouse karaoke baron intent on bringing to a halt, the tumelteous rise to pop stardom of this entertainer, who is challenging music styles head-on.
Interpol are now involved, after a stolen Orlando promotional print was discovered in a New Zealand teachers locker.

Orlando is reportedly feeling the pressure of both this incident and those of that Aussie Sheila's, Absinth fuelled aeronautics. He was not available for comment from their Carribean hideaway.
MORE


SERIOUS CRIME!!
The Leeth Poleeth were last night launching a major sting operation involving undercover officers from the serious crime squad, after two priceless promotional posters of Orlando mysteriously disappeared from the "Ceasers Palace" of karaoke, Dizzies Lounge Bar.
Officers have not ruled out rumours that a local outfit known only as "The Gang of Greys" (Professional Ram Raiders), have turned their attention to serious crime.
A 24 hour armed guard is now keeping a vigilant eye on the current crop of priceless artworks promoting Orlando's stunning vocal talents on his new CD "Destination Imagination".
Orlando was unavailable for comment as he is still believed to be in the Carribean with that Aussie Sheila.


PHOTO EXCLUSIVE

Orlando eases the pert antipodean absinth fairy onto
"Gypsy Twat 1" on their way to a secret Carribean hideout....




ORLANDO BAGS OFF WITH KYLIE
LOCATION.....LONDON
EVENT.....THE BRIT AWARDS 2003

This star studded event played host to all the major names in the music business. They included such glittering stars as Pink, Welsh Toni, Madonna, Geriatric Gus, Nora Jones and Moby.
But it was Orlando who stole the show at this high point in the celebrity calendar.
After his superb live performance of Leith Walk, Leith Walk, at the backstage bash, he managed to coerce the tiny antipodean absinth fairy, Kylie to fly away with him, on his newly acquired jet "Gypsy Twat 1", to a secret Caribbean location.
The pair are rumoured to be in the recording studio, laying down a new track together, "Can't get you out of my bed".
Miss Monouge, (21) commented at the airport, that she had never had it so good.
So that's a bit of Tollcross rough for you!!!



VOLUME 2 HERE

WrongKey records are pleased to announce that Volume 2 is now available. It features many bonus tracks such as "Something Stupid" (feat French Bird) and "Welcome Home" (feat Trev). They are all done in Orlando's impecable "Rubbered Dub" Stylee.
Copies of the CD are now available in Dizzies Lounge Bar (£5.00) and will also be available in certain charity shops on Leith Walk (the boulavard of broken dreams) in the near future.
Orlando's next CD "Orlando does Cuntry" will feature an extended mix of his latest Platinum tune "The Shiddybong Song" (feat Missy Chrissy YMD).
And get this, we are also informed that each copy of the CD will come with a "FREE BUTTONEER" Remember those?

Orlando does it again.



1st ALBUM GOES PLATINUM
(to match his tooth)

Orlando, the man of a thousand voices is sorry to anounce to all of his fans that current stocks of his first album
"Out to lunch with Orlando, 24 tracks that you used to love" is now currently out of stock due to popular demand.




LETTERS TO ORLANDO

Dear Webmaster
I am disgusted with the treatment Orlando got at his latest sell out concert, unfortunatly he was at the Gilmerton miners club on the same night that the Niddrie boys usually go to watch Poppy and her amazing finger puppets. It was'nt my gorgeous Orlando's fault she did'nt turn up. apparently she cut her fingers on a tin of lidls corned beef and her whole hand went septic and her fingers were too swollen for the puppets. Anyway webmaster, talking of corned beef will you tell Orlando i have'nt got a matching tooth yet but if he would care to come to my house i have a nice tin of corned beef chilling nicely that would take the swelling out of his eyes no problem
yours concernedly
Orlando's biggest fan Doris


my darling orlando
(i feel i can call you that now) who is the fabulous looking chap you were on stage with tonight it really had me in quite a tizzy my heart nearly jumped through my thermal vest and as for my new long johns well i dare not say what the two of you did to them i really did not know which one of you gorgeous sexy blokes to look at please tell me when you are appearing together again as i cant wait to see both of you hopefully in the near future i will be able to perform with you both.
my beautiful boys goodnight from
doris karloff
(A) That was me the wonderful web master on stage the other night. Do introduce yourself next time you are in!
Breaking News for all you Orlando fans, on Thursday 20th Feb at 8.00pm he will be recording his new live album in the World famous lounge bar. So Doris, I know that you will want a front row seat, so I suggest that you "camp out" in front of the pub from Tuesday.
See you there.


Sidney BOUCHER wrote:
(Q) PLEASE TELL ME HAS ORLANDO GOT A FAN CLUB, AND HOW MUCH IS THE DVD?
(A) Our staff are working around the clock to get Orlando's fan club up and running. We have been inundated with fans wanting to join, and his advert has only been live on the net for 1 week. Phew.!!!!!

(Q) I GET PAID VERY WEEKLY,JUST AS HE MAKES ME WEAK,OR WEEP, WHEN CAN I JOIN THE CLUB, AND WHEN WILL YOUR NEWS LETTER,BE ON YOUR WEB SITE,I HAVE SUCH A LOT TO ASK.
(A) Why not keep calling back for up-to-date-info?

(Q) CAN YOU SEND A CLOSEUP PICTURE TO ME;AS IT WILL MATCH MY TOILET SEAT,AND IT WILL FEEL LIKE IA`M SITTING ON HIS FACE,JUST THE JOBIE,ONCE AGAIN I THANK YOU THIS IS FOR ORLANDO, UP YOURS.
(A) Pictures of the STAR can be bought for a mere subscription of £30.00 pcm. We have full frontal, full rectal (inside & out) and your favourite star from every conceivable angle. If this is what you require, send your credit card details to me W.Elliitt (The Web Master)


Realised by

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Dizzies Lounge Bar